Shhhhh.... Let the music play!

As the big and small arms both slowly move towards the number 12, I realize that another day has come to an end. Every day is the same... busy, monotonous and dreary with few laughs and warm moments. As the midnight hour seems to be approaching, all I can think about is going into my room and spending some lone exclusive time. The only person if he wishes to share it me, I would be glad to have him, would be my husband. Once, back in my college days, a friend of mine once said, "you must give some time to yourself or else you would go insane". At that time, i didn't realize the importance of what he said. But now, when there is such dearth of "my time" I know exactly what he was talking about.

The concept of mine own personal time is so important. Even if that lone time is just spent staring into the tv aimlessly. It just feel good and completely owned without any distractions and thoughts of other things and people. One feels this sense of freedom, which cannot be felt in the presence of anyone else, no matter if you doing some thing of your own choice. The feeling that noone is watching or observing us, is just liberating.

Perhaps, it maybe because I had much freedom of spending my own time at my own disposal back at my house or perhaps it was because I lived alone for a long time, but I do need my own time. I miss my own time.

My time with my man, my own lone time, which he can share with me. He is my obsession. I can spend hours just staring at him and touching him, just to convince myself that he is real. That is a quality my time spending as well.

All the time, there is just so much going on and so much that we have to do and deliver that one just wants to press the pause button in life, step out into my time and then after that small break, get back in to this race called life. Just nab and grab all what you can get before this time too may be taken away from you for any reason.

It seems like yesterday when my mom would wake me up for sehr and we would excitedly eat every thing thats on the table, never having to think twice whether this would make me fatter or not. Then coming back excitedly after school and mom would say that for kids, there is only half day fast and we would think it all true and eat our hearts out at 1pm in the afternoon. That was the time when we would happily sleep til iftar and would get up just half an hour before just to see what yummy things are being cooked.

We would so excitedly wait for one day before eid so we could go spot the moon with our dada jaan on the roof top and our only worry was to make sure that our clothes was all set for the next morning and we would happily go to sleep, being too excited for the next day.

Eid was the most awesome day of the year when we would get up early in the morning, take a shower, and quickly dress up before the men of the house come back for prayers. As soon as we were ready, we would stand waiting on one toe cos we knew when they will come, we will get eidee. All day long our only worries were to eat swaiyan, collect lots of eidee and then plan how we would spend it. We would get to meet a lotta relatives and be pampered. Thats how wonderful ramazan and eid was.

Now, it all seems like a long lost dream. Ramazan now means that we would be getting up early in the morning to make sehri, then go labour away in the office and come back and start making iftar and dinner. This doesn't end here. Then, one has to keep serving tea to everyone. IN total getting 4 hours of sleep every day and feeling extremely exhausted. A day before eid, now means, lots and lots of cooking for next day and cleaning the whole house. Sleeping late to work mainly.

Eid is no better too. You wake up really early, and start laboring away in the kitchen once more. Wearing new clothes or giving eidee is the last of your worries as first you are exhausted by serving one guest, then another and then another. Its a never ending cycle til the very late night with extensive tea drinking sessions to which we have to cater too. And ofcourse, washing tons of dishes. In the end in spite of all this, one still hears complains from family whom we had to visit and didn't.

Earlier it was a three day vacation with party, now its three day of extreme labour.

Ah.. Eid! I want it all back. :( I hate growing up!